Writing Class - 1st - 14/02/2015

My writting
[spoiler]Hi everyone! I’m Tung. My full name is Tung Thanh Nguyen. I’m 20 years old. Now I’m in collage. I’m learning Information Technology at HUBT (Hanoi University of Business and Technology). I live in Hanoi with my family, and I love my happy family. In my free time, I enjoy listening to music, playing game, and sometimes I learning English. I used to be a magician. I had performed on the stage when I was in middle school. It’s an interesting memories. In the future, I want to be a developer. I want to make friend with everybody. Thanks for reading my writting. OK that’s it, and I’ll see you next time :v.[/spoiler]

Here is mine:

Hi everyone! I’m Dat, a 27 years old embedded software engineer working in Singapore. I studied software engineering at the HCMUS (Ho Chi Minh City University of Science) in 2006. I love programming and English and writing programming blogs and life style blogs and reading hacker news. For the past 4 moths, I’ve been spending most of my spare time managing DayNhauHoc forums. My main aim is to create a community where people respect, kind, friendly to each other. That is a place we can learn, chit-chat, have fun.

I hope DayNhauHoc can be a nice place for people who keen to study and share their knowledge and help each other.

For the new year to come, I wish everyone best luck

bài viết của @TTmagic khá tốt nhưng có 1 vài chỗ cần lưu ý nhé:
1/ college chứ k phải collage.
2/ Mình gợi ý bạn phải câu phức (complex sentences) như Because S+V, S+V (S = Subject - Chủ ngữ, V = Verb - động từ), Although S+V, S+V, etc.
3/ I *sometimes chứ k nên để sometimes I.
4/ When I have free time hoặc During my free time.
5/ Middle school là secondary sch hay là high sch?
6/ It *was an interesting *memory (an + số ít - Singular).

Bạn k nên pha trộn các thì với nhau. Khi kể về 1 việc xảy ra trong quá khứ, dùng thì quá khứ. Khi kể về sự việc diễn ra trong hiện tại, dùng thì hiện tại. Và tương tự đối với dự định trong tương lai, thì tương lai.

Anyway, well done! you did a pretty good job.

I strongly believe that you can understand English well when I make some comments of your writing.

1/ I love programming and English, writing programming blogs and life style blogs, and reading hacker news. (comma is important in this case because it separates terms that you are gonna use).

2/…where people ARE respect, kind, AND friendly to each other.

3/ That is the place we can learn, chit-chat, AND have fun.

4/ THE best luck.

1/ I love programming and English, writing programming blogs and life style blogs, and reading hacker news. (comma is important in this case because it separates terms that you are gonna use).

I normally use commas, however, I just try a new writing style that I read from this book

Charlotte's Web

Charlotte's Web is a children's novel by American author E. B. White and illustrated by Garth Williams; it was published on October 15, 1952, by Harper & Brothers. The novel tells the story of a livestock pig named Wilbur and his friendship with a barn spider named Charlotte. When Wilbur is in danger of being slaughtered by the farmer, Charlotte writes messages praising Wilbur (such as "Some Pig") in her web in order to persuade the farmer to let him live. Written in White's dry, low-key manne...

It’s all about writing style.

2/…where people ARE respect, kind, AND friendly to each other.

3/ That is the place we can learn, chit-chat, AND have fun.

4/ THE best luck.

Totally agree, many thanks

This is my writing for the topic above:

Hello everyone,

     My name is Thang Nguyen, an international student attending Pasadena City College (PCC) in California. I also go by Ethan as my English name so people can easily pronounce and remember it. I have been in PCC for 2 years in major of Computer Science. As I found out daynhauhoc.com, a community website for Vietnamese to self-study, I joined this online community to encourage and inspire people to learn English. If you have limited time or any personal reason that you cannot pay for a English class or spend that much time to study English, here is the place for you. On the other hand, I would like to introduce myself since I have lived in Hanoi for 18 years. I was born in the Capital of Vietnam, a beautiful city in my point of view. There were my family and friends living and making memories when I grew up. I always went to internet shops with friends playing games and played soccer and parkour. Besides, I was interested in popping dance because I saw Kite, a Japanese popping dancer, on Youtube that inspired me so much. Although I really want to study popping dance, I still cannot make it because I don't have enough time to practice on it. Making friends to me at that time was hard since I was always introversive. Therefore, I did not have that much friends but a few is enough for me to spend time with. Since I studied abroad, I have changed in a good way. American environment is the best place turns me to a better person, such as being positive, confident, critical thinking, and responsible. This is not all about me but quite enough. I believe that you guys can write a better introduction than me.

Happy Valentine Day,

Ethan Nguyen.

for the section 1, the point is that if you don’t have comma between “writing programming blogs and life style blogs” and “reading hacker news,” readers will be confused. Also, What I want to say is your terms are not right in the sense that you have Present Participle (such as “Programming” as a Verb+ing standing for Noun) and “English” (A Noun). Normally, people don’t list a noun and a present participle in a sentence. They will try to avoid it and find another term. If you list a bunch of nouns in a sentence, they should be all Nouns or all Present Participle Nouns.

Hi! I’m Hoàng. I am studying IT at University of Science. I love listening of music. I have a lot of lossless song of rock and ballad on my laptop(1010 songs). I collect all song of Beatles and Bằng Kiều. I am the big fan of Beatles
When I was learning 8 grade, I learned how to solve Rubik and i joined in Rubikvn.org that is the first club I join in. My skill, solving the rubik, improved very fast. I think club is a good place for people improve your skills and build your dream. I hope DayNhauHoc is also a best place for everyone love programming.
In my future, I want to help everybody improve their live. Two people influence on me is Larry Page who cofounded Google Inc and Elon Musk who is “Iron Man” in real life. I want to become the men like Elon Musk thank you for reading.

Thats such a nice introdcution of you, @Rok_Hoang . However, I think you have some minor mistakes you need to know.

1/ a lot of + SONGS (because you pointed out that you have 1010 songs, didn’t you?)
2/ When I was in 8th greade (sound better than when you were learning IN 8th grade because you might mess up past tense and cont. past tense)
3/ My skill WAS IMPROVED very fast (Passive voice, and also the word FAST [adjective] here is informal in writing because Subject + Verb + adverb is the correct format)
4/ I think THIS club or RUBIK club for people TO improve and build your dream.
5/ I hope DayNhauHoc is also A GOOD place (if you use BEST, it should be THE BEST. However, it will sound awkward in the way you mean)
6/ Two people INFLUENCING on me ARE Larry Page…
7/ I wan to be come the MAN (since you are a person without clones, you can’t be 2 or more persons to become men)

Thanks @Ethan, you are giving such a great help to our writing class. I really appreciate your comments, it’s not usual to have somebody like you to correct our mistakes.

Here is my writing :

Hello everybody, I am Nghia. I am 17 years old and I am now a student at [Cu M'gar high school][1]. I am living with my family in Cu M'gar district in Dak Lak province. I love listening to music (especially songs in English) and programming. Every day, I usually spend my free time on the computer writing some useless programs and learning English, and sometimes I play DotA 2 with my friends at the internet center near my home. In the future, I wish to become a good programmer or penetration tester. I don't know what I should write now so I will end my writing here. Thank you guys for reading it.

By the way, Lunar New Year is getting nearer and nearer, so I hope all of you will have a lucky year :wink: .

I wish to become a good programmer or penetration tester.

The following is better

I hope to become a good programmer or penetration tester.

I’m waiting for others to comments

To @Endless_Love: Your writing showed that you had tried such a good job to give out your introduction. I will write some comments for your writing as my point of view:

1/ You should pay attention on your punctuation
I am 17 years old and I am now a student at Cu M’gar high school. (No need for [ ]).
I love listening to music, especially English songs. (you need a comma (,) here, not parentheses ( )).
2/ I spend my free time on my computer (no THE) TO write some useless programs and LEARN English everyday (Not “Everyday, S + V” because it is awkward to have every day to start a sentence). I SOMETIMES play DotA 2 (sometimes CANNOT stand in front of Subject and this sentence should be separated with the previous sentence) with my friends IN A INTERNET SHOP near my house.
3/ In future (no THE), I HOPE to become a good programmer or penetration tester. (In this case, Wish is to a correct verb that you need to because WISH is an action of regretting not doing something in the past or might not be able to do in future).

That all I think it should be better for your writing. If you don’t understand any parts of my comments, please let me know.

Thank you,

Ethan Nguyen.

Hi everyone!

I’m Khoa-my full name is Nguyen Dang Khoa,a 17-year-old student.I was born in HCM city and live here.My hobbies is swimming and watching programming videos of Mr.Dat on youtube.I’ve been learning C by watching programming videos for 7 months.I want to give thanks to Mr.Dat for making these videos.As i found daynhauhoc.com,i’m very interested in it and hope it will be larger and improved more.Many people will know and join in this forum.And my another hobby is making game.In future,i want to be game developer.I don’t know daynhauhoc forum has someone’s interested in making game like me.If it has,please contact to me.I like improving my English too.if my writing has mistakes,please correct it.

I wish all of you happy new year from the bottom of my heart and best luck.

1/ You should pay attention on your punctuation I am 17 years old and I am now a student at Cu M’gar high school. (No need for [ ]).

I misclicked on the Hyperlink button…

Hi there! As the response to Mr Dat’s idea, I participate in writing about myself.
My name is Nhat Long, at the age of 14 (I was born nearly at the end of the year), in a 3 members - family (my little daughter was exactly 1 year old last 2 days, 14/2). In my spare time, i usually play game, play guitar and many things, just need to be active, not to be passive like watching TV or listening to music (however, i listen to music at the same time i doing other things). Moreover, i’m also keen on sport (almost kinds including basketball, volleyball, soccer, athletic, etc). I am a grade 9 student now and i have a dream of being a code master one day.

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